Motherhood.

They say when it comes to motherhood, the days are long but the years are short. I couldn't agree more. I have been ordering hundreds of pictures through Free Prints and it's taking me on a serious trip down memory lane. I remember the chaos, the tears, the nights of being completely squished between two babies, sometimes three. I remember feeling so overwhelmed but so in love, so tired and just completely exhausted, but in the best way possible. 

When I had Lola, Cruz was 14 months old, Aven was 4 1/2 and I think I was 25, but I can't honestly remember! Those few months leading up to Lola's birth and that first year after were seriously the craziest months/days/year or so of my life. I remember bits of pieces but how I survived, I'm not completely sure. 

But I think they key to life was definitely a quality baby carrier! I practically lived in that thing for like a solid two years. Cruz would take a chunk of his naps in it while I was pregnant and then once I had Lola, she lived in it too. It was the only way to manage two babies and a four year old. I remember going to the store, putting Lola's car seat in the basket and wearing Cruz. And I remember people looking at me like I had just jumped off the crazy train. Older ladies would come up to me and say things like "Bless your heart" or "Oh honey I remember those days." But seriously... look at that little chunk passed out, laying on top of his soon to be baby sister. Talk about a full mommie heart. 

Then there was nap time. I would often lay both Lola and Cruz next to me, feed Lola and then help Cruz with his bottle. I remember the glorious moment that Lola and Cruz started napping almost on the same schedule. I thought I had officially mastered this whole motherhood thing. I remember two different diapers, two different kinds of formula, Lola took a pacifier, Cruz didn't. I think back now and just laugh. I look at the picture above and I can't help but notice how skinny I was. But I remember just being so worn out. The months leading up to Lola's birth were hard. I was so depressed and anxious, I was hardly eating, hardly sleeping. And after she was born, I just remember being so weak and so tired. It all took a serious toll on my body. But I lived for the moments that I had two sleeping babies. I would just stare at them. 

Bath time. Talk about a mess. So much water and so many bubbles. But look at those happy faces. Aven loved being a big sister. I'm not so sure she loves it these days, but I remember feeling so blessed because Aven was always such a helper when it came to those two babies.

There was always a naked baby, sometimes two. During the summer when Lola was turning one, I think her and Cruz practically lived in the nude. Cruz was learning to pee outside so him being naked just made sense. Oh those little baby buns. And that long blonde hair. I miss that sweet little two year old boy. 

Being so close in age, Cruz and Lola were really like twins. At one point I was putting Lola in a bigger diaper just so I didn't have to buy two different sizes. Cheerios, juice, gold fish, apple sauce and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. They were so happy with just those few things. Seriously, look at those two little babes, and allll that hair!

This picture (above) just made me laugh when I saw the print out. I remember this morning like it was yesterday. Somehow I ended up with all three kids in my bed and we had lost Lola's pacifier. She started to fuss so Aven just stuck her little finger in Lola's mouth. What a sweet little helper! Lola stopped crying though and everything was good for just a little longer before everyone finally woke up and the real fun started. 

But looking back on that morning, the same feeling often consumes me today, even though my babies aren't "babies" anymore. Exhaustion. Fear. Wondering what school event I have forgotten or what church activity I need to pick up something for. Is there baseball practice tonight? What will I make for dinner? Who's going to throw a tantrum before school this morning? When you're a mother, the chaos might change shape a bit, but it never stops. 

I heard somewhere from someone that the trick to surviving motherhood is to watch your children sleep, even for just a few minutes. That is when you fall back in love with them, even after the most chaotic days. 

And then you have experiences that force you to completely stop everything and just thank the Lord that your child is alive. I've had a few too many of those experiences though. I don't think any mother should ever sit in a hospital with her child as many times as I have. But I will always be grateful. Nothing will ever stop me from thanking my Savior daily for the gift of being a mother to my three sweet and perfectly crazy children.

 And there you have it. Motherhood in a nutshell. It's pure chaos. Tears. Laughter. Locking yourself in the bathroom so you can just catch your breath. Cheerios and goldfish found in every possible crevice of your purse, car and house. But the love. The love a mother has for her children is something I can't even being to explain. It is a pure gift from God. It's a treasure. It's unconditional. It's forever. It's worth every sleepless night, every emergency room visit and every skinned up knee. 

Happy Mothering!

Xoxo,

Jess