Daddy Issues.
I have had this topic on my mind for a little while now... but truly haven't been very excited to write about it.
Daddy issues. Ugh. I never ever thought I would be the girl who could claim she had daddy issues but here I am. And I am not by any means wanting to just bash my father in this post, but hoping that someone will read this and either decide they need to get some counseling because they see a similar pattern in their own life. Or... someone will read this and realize they need to be a better father so that their daughter doesn't write a post about her daddy issues when she's 30.
So here goes.
I grew up in a home with both parents. My dad worked in construction, traveled quite a bit but always coached my softball teams, took us boating, snow skiing... you name it... we did it. My dad was 6'6" and had hands the size of dinner plates. He was scary. Always in wrangler jeans, my dad was your good ol' country boy. He was a hard worker. My mom stayed home with me and my sister for the most part. We had a nice house, nice cars, nice boat etc. My dad worked hard so that we could have a nice life and we were reminded of that quite often.
Growing up, I thought my dad was pretty darn cool. He was a great softball coach. He taught my sister and I how to drive in his truck on old dirt roads in our hometown. I always felt safe knowing he was around. But I never remember him talking to me about the kind of man I should look for in regards to a boyfriend or future husband. I never remember him guiding me. I never remember him asking me about a date I went on, or about a boy I was dating. He was great at coaching softball but not so great at coaching us in life.
As I got older, I started to realize that my dad was quite a drinker. But I didn't really seem to care until about five years ago. In fact, I think I used his drinking to my advantage. In high school, it was easy to sneak beer right outta the house because it was always gone so fast anyway. In college, he drank right along with us! He was kind of the life of the party.
And then it all kind of went downhill. The drinking got worse. He was falling. He had surgery to repair his neck after a fall and almost died when his body went into full detox during surgery. Pain meds started getting mixed in with the alcohol. It was a mess.
And for the record, my dad has been sober now for a couple of years and I am proud of him for making that choice.
But the emotional damage that was caused then has since caused a rift that cannot seem to be fixed. And that it what I really want to explain in this post.
Now that I know the truth about my dad's alcoholism... it's hard to look back on my childhood years with a smile because I know that for most of that time, he was intoxicated. I also look back on the choices I made and I have to wonder if not having a truly supportive and guiding father resulted in me doing some really stupid shit. I look back on guys I dated... not great choices AT ALL. But how could I have made better choices? There wasn't a single man in my life growing up who was worthy of looking up to. My grandfathers were far away or dead. No uncles that played a big role in my life. I was given nothing to really help set me up for success in relationships.
And of course... over the last few months... through therapy and really diving into prayer and the Bible... all of this has finally come to light and I have been able to really look at things from a different perspective. And I'm grateful. I can't look back and regret the relationships I have had because a couple of those relationships gave me some really beautiful kids. But I can look forward and realize that the patterns of my past are not the patterns of my future.
God is our Father in heaven... He is the Father that we will have for all eternity. And I am His daughter. When I truly realized how true and how sacred those words are, I realized that I don't have to feel this emptiness when I think about my own father. I also realized I don't have to have a man in my life. Would I like to have one? Of course. But I want the right one. I don't want to just have one to have one... and I most certainly don't want one that God wouldn't want for me. I have a Father and He is a king. And his love for me can move mountains and split oceans. With this understanding, I can finally rest and know that if I continue to put my faith in Christ, He will bring me the man that He created for me.
Now, if you are a father... your job on this Earth is crucial. Your job is to lead your children, lead them in life, lead them to Christ, lead them to be good humans. If you screw this up, you could potentially destroy your child's future. Read that again. God gave you a child. And if he gave you a daughter, you have to lead her in the ways of this world and help her so that she chooses someone someday that is worthy of her love. No one is perfect. No parent, no father is perfect. But you have to take this seriously. Little girls, grown up girls, women in their 30's... we need guidance, we need love and we need support. And yes, we are given the gift of Christ but having a father on this Earth is such a blessing. I promise you that if you put fourth the effort to be an extraordinary father to your children, you will be blessed beyond belief. Your children will be blessed. Your family will be blessed.
God is enough. That I know for sure. Reach out to Him. Pray to Him. Let Him lead you. Let him heal you! You are loved and you are awesome. Happy Tuesday!
Xoxo,
Jess
Daddy issues. Ugh. I never ever thought I would be the girl who could claim she had daddy issues but here I am. And I am not by any means wanting to just bash my father in this post, but hoping that someone will read this and either decide they need to get some counseling because they see a similar pattern in their own life. Or... someone will read this and realize they need to be a better father so that their daughter doesn't write a post about her daddy issues when she's 30.
So here goes.
I grew up in a home with both parents. My dad worked in construction, traveled quite a bit but always coached my softball teams, took us boating, snow skiing... you name it... we did it. My dad was 6'6" and had hands the size of dinner plates. He was scary. Always in wrangler jeans, my dad was your good ol' country boy. He was a hard worker. My mom stayed home with me and my sister for the most part. We had a nice house, nice cars, nice boat etc. My dad worked hard so that we could have a nice life and we were reminded of that quite often.
Growing up, I thought my dad was pretty darn cool. He was a great softball coach. He taught my sister and I how to drive in his truck on old dirt roads in our hometown. I always felt safe knowing he was around. But I never remember him talking to me about the kind of man I should look for in regards to a boyfriend or future husband. I never remember him guiding me. I never remember him asking me about a date I went on, or about a boy I was dating. He was great at coaching softball but not so great at coaching us in life.
As I got older, I started to realize that my dad was quite a drinker. But I didn't really seem to care until about five years ago. In fact, I think I used his drinking to my advantage. In high school, it was easy to sneak beer right outta the house because it was always gone so fast anyway. In college, he drank right along with us! He was kind of the life of the party.
And then it all kind of went downhill. The drinking got worse. He was falling. He had surgery to repair his neck after a fall and almost died when his body went into full detox during surgery. Pain meds started getting mixed in with the alcohol. It was a mess.
And for the record, my dad has been sober now for a couple of years and I am proud of him for making that choice.
But the emotional damage that was caused then has since caused a rift that cannot seem to be fixed. And that it what I really want to explain in this post.
Now that I know the truth about my dad's alcoholism... it's hard to look back on my childhood years with a smile because I know that for most of that time, he was intoxicated. I also look back on the choices I made and I have to wonder if not having a truly supportive and guiding father resulted in me doing some really stupid shit. I look back on guys I dated... not great choices AT ALL. But how could I have made better choices? There wasn't a single man in my life growing up who was worthy of looking up to. My grandfathers were far away or dead. No uncles that played a big role in my life. I was given nothing to really help set me up for success in relationships.
And of course... over the last few months... through therapy and really diving into prayer and the Bible... all of this has finally come to light and I have been able to really look at things from a different perspective. And I'm grateful. I can't look back and regret the relationships I have had because a couple of those relationships gave me some really beautiful kids. But I can look forward and realize that the patterns of my past are not the patterns of my future.
God is our Father in heaven... He is the Father that we will have for all eternity. And I am His daughter. When I truly realized how true and how sacred those words are, I realized that I don't have to feel this emptiness when I think about my own father. I also realized I don't have to have a man in my life. Would I like to have one? Of course. But I want the right one. I don't want to just have one to have one... and I most certainly don't want one that God wouldn't want for me. I have a Father and He is a king. And his love for me can move mountains and split oceans. With this understanding, I can finally rest and know that if I continue to put my faith in Christ, He will bring me the man that He created for me.
Now, if you are a father... your job on this Earth is crucial. Your job is to lead your children, lead them in life, lead them to Christ, lead them to be good humans. If you screw this up, you could potentially destroy your child's future. Read that again. God gave you a child. And if he gave you a daughter, you have to lead her in the ways of this world and help her so that she chooses someone someday that is worthy of her love. No one is perfect. No parent, no father is perfect. But you have to take this seriously. Little girls, grown up girls, women in their 30's... we need guidance, we need love and we need support. And yes, we are given the gift of Christ but having a father on this Earth is such a blessing. I promise you that if you put fourth the effort to be an extraordinary father to your children, you will be blessed beyond belief. Your children will be blessed. Your family will be blessed.
God is enough. That I know for sure. Reach out to Him. Pray to Him. Let Him lead you. Let him heal you! You are loved and you are awesome. Happy Tuesday!
Xoxo,
Jess
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